I found this hilariously appalling children’s creationism book available for free download. I decided to improve upon it by replacing the text with my own. You can see the original here (warning: not safe for children).


This is space. In space comets, asteroids, stars, planets, galaxies, and a giant nameless book all orbit the Earth.

This is a list of things to learn about. You can learn everything there is to know about each subject in just one day!

In dinosaur times the Sun looked like a heart and two humans liked to get naked with dangerous animals and one slow one.

Back then it was normal for a naked man to lie with a beast.

A pterodactyl shit on the girl’s face while they were building a pointless sign and road.

Reading makes dinosaurs hungry!

One day a giant Fraggle attacked Tokyo with a rolled-up newspaper!

There was a wooden box with a door and a pixie.

The box marked a mysterious spot underground where all the fossils turned pretty colors and got jumbled up into random layers.

Pterodactyl silhouettes! Quit smiling at the unusually thick rainbow and RUN!

Finally, this badass went around stabbing all the dinosaurs in the face with his double-sided spear. And that’s what REALLY happened to the dinosaurs.
For the record, I realize they would be more accurately called “pterosaurs,” but “pterodactyl” just sounds cooler.
*UPDATE: Watch the video version here.












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