Dear Red Cross,

Here is a short article from the Associated Press, found on this website:

Red Cross seeks to provide kosher meals for disaster victims

When the next disaster strikes, whether you are religious, atheist or just a vegetarian, the Red Cross will have a meal for you.

By The Associated Press

The American Red Cross has been looking at ways it can improve its response to the next disaster and it’s found some surprising answers. Joel Sullivan, CEO of the Middle Tennessee chapter of the American Red Cross, said changing demographics have led to a demand for food that meets the specific cultural and religious needs. The Red Cross is looking for vendors that can supply vegetarian, kosher and halal meals.

The Tennessean reports that Muslim leaders have also asked the charity to look into providing separate spaces for men and women at their shelters.

Dear Red Cross,

I commend you for your efforts to provide appropriate meals for victims with “specific cultural and religious needs.” I hope you will consider accommodating my beliefs as well, should I be in the unfortunate position of requiring your aide.

As a follower of the religion of Atheism, I require that my meals contain only meat that comes from tortured baby humans. Torturing is essential in preparing my meals. There are also very important rituals that must be performed, including the dancing of the Macarena by all those involved in the raising of the mini humans or the preparation and handling of the tiny baby human meat. Oh, and I require ice cream cake with every meal.

And see if you can’t make separate spaces for old, white, male intellectuals and those who are not old, white, male intellectuals in your shelters—we wouldn’t want any mixing of ideas going on.

Thank you for your time,

Concerned Atheist