Going Stag: Wedding Tips

So I’m off to another wedding tomorrow. I didn’t go to any while I was in Japan so I’m a bit out of practice. I thought this would be a good time to dust off an old Facebook note and review some of my own advice. Perhaps this will be useful to some of you as well!

Many of my friends have gotten married over the past few years and so I’ve attended my share of weddings—usually stag. I’ve learned a few things and thought I’d share a few tips on how to avoid feeling like a total loser when in this situation.

• When introduced to a person you’ve already met, always be slightly less sure of your previous encounter than the other person.
  This will make the other person feel less important than you. Remember, the goal is to have a higher self-esteem than the rest of the room; by lowering theirs, you lower the overall level of crowd.
• You’re probably sitting at the losers’ table; make a friend–quick.
  Choose only one. Whomever you choose will likely be more than willing to chat with you, given they are also alone. By being the only two at the table that seem to know each other, you effectively make the rest of the table feel like even bigger losers than they already do. Of course, you will also be raising the self-esteem of your new friend. This is easily remedied by offering to get them a drink from the bar, then forgetting theirs, returning with only your own.
• Tip generously.
  Let’s face it—the open bar is the main reason you decided to show at all. When getting drinks, be sure to loft your singles into the fishbowl for everyone to see. People will think you make more money than them. Alternatively, you can make this point on a more intimate level by standing just out of reach of the tip bowl and handing your hefty tip to the guy next to you so he can put it in. Don’t worry too much about the money; you’ll still spend less than you would have sitting alone at the Copper Penny, which is what you would have been doing instead.
• Get drunk enough to get freaky on the dance floor, but not drunk enough to get freaky with the bride’s 17 year-old sister on the dance floor.
  When you have a good buzz going on, you’ll let loose a bit. People will think you are cool and fun. Just don’t end up like the groomsman peeing in the bathroom with his pants around his ankles.
• Don’t laugh at the best man’s speech.
  This will make others in the room think that your sense of humor is more sophisticated than theirs. Besides, he’s really not that funny. But be sure to grin somewhat smugly at the one or two truly funny parts. You don’t want people to think that you have no sense of humor whatsoever.
• Leave early.
  By this point you’ve already established yourself as one of the better people at the party. Finish things off by leaving once the major activities have ended. You want to show everyone that you have better things to do and they don’t.

Hope this helped. Have a good time!

Ah yes. I feel much better about the situation now. Oh, and eat some babies.