Inside the Atheists Studio

Gay Island

The following is a piece I wrote back in 2004—long before ITAS. I rediscovered it while going through my old computer’s documents, so I thought this would be a good place for it.

Supporters of legislation that limits marriage to include only heterosexuals are fighting a losing battle. Right-winged attempts to push through legislation to ban gay marriage are destined to fail in the long run. The answer is not to keep gays apart; in fact, the simple solution is just the opposite. Homosexuality is a growing epidemic that plagues our society and should be dealt with the same way any other epidemic is dealt with: quarantine.

By gathering the gays and giving them their own space to live amongst each other, apart from the rest of the country, we not only satisfy the gays by allowing them to marry, we also satisfy those who oppose homosexuality by removing them from our society; everyone’s happy. It will also help stop the spread of homosexuality, which is clearly a learned behavior, by preventing gays from infecting the minds of our children. Since they cannot procreate, they will eventually die off.  Problem solved. No longer will these sinners be able to tear at the moral fabric of our society that was all but shredded in 1967 when the remaining 16 states with anti-interracial marriage legislation lost that battle. The only hitch is the “bisexuals,” who we’ll have to monitor and extract any children they have. Some might say, “why let them die off, why not just kill them now?” This idea is just ridiculous. Of course we will let them live out their normal lives. Why dispose of them now when we can continue to collect taxes from them for decades longer?

This plan, however, will not work on its own. The Constitution will never allow for such a thing and amending it will not do. That is why we must do away with the Constitution and instead look to a higher law, God’s law. By using the Bible as the sole law of the land and making Christianity the official religion, we will be able to cut through all the meaningless bureaucracy. Priests will replace judges and will decide whether “an eye for an eye” or “turn the other cheek” methodology will be applied. Non-Christian citizens, along with those wishing to become citizens, will be given mandatory Bible classes (Jews, of course, will only need half of these classes).  At first it may seem unfair to force a particular religion.  However, we will actually be performing a service to these people by showing them the errors of their ways and bringing the truth into their lives.

Once this is done we will then be able to go forth with the quarantine plan. Will it be easy? No. Will it take time? Yes. But we must be patient—we how can we truly call ourselves Christians if we don’t have patience?